Omnilegent yet Moronic

This story was written in answer to The Word of the Day Challenge:

Omnilegent means: Reading or having read everything

Here’s what I came up with…

Omnilegent yet Moronic

“Knowledge is power. Yet somethings can not be learned only garnered through pure feeling and instinct alone.”

Quillen had been born a wizard. Before he’d opened his eyes for the first time, he’d levitated his father to the ceiling. He held a strong force of magic and made his parents proud. Yet now he was in his twenties, there was something even he couldn’t do and it was fast fuelling his ire.

“There must be something I can do — a spell, a charm anything!” he muttered as he stepped into the grand library. A hall of over a million books on every subject the world had ever known and maybe a few yet to be discovered. “If I must learn everything to achieve that which I desire – so be it.”

He pulled a golden fascinator from his waistcoat pocket. It was a pair of circlets which could spin within each other at the slightest touch. “Scire et nosse – discere et scire. libri docere!’ Quillen’s eyes became golden orbs as he set the circlets spinning. Streams of glitter in every colour fanned out from the device as the library began to pulse.     

Quillen beamed as the books leapt from the shelves and flew in spirals around him. Each opening and disgorging their words into his head. Faster and faster they came filling the air with glowing letters which he absorbed.

“Yes! Teach me everything!” yelled the wizard. With every book returning to the shelves, he grew more and more knowledgeable. The veins in his arms, neck and face tensed as a pain stabbed through his brain. Quillen fell to his knees and cried out. A great white flash erupted through the room and the last of the books thumped to the floor.

“Painful process, learning, isn’t it?” remarked an elderly lady entering the room on her walking stick. The remnants of magic she’d used to end the spell fluttering like smoke from her hands.

Quillen rose to his feet, feeling his forehead. It was hot to the touch. He began reciting complex maths, obscure history and geography, “I know everything – I am Omnilegent!”

“And you’re still a plank.”

“Pardon me, grandmother?” Quillen focused upon her.

She peered over her half-moon glasses at him and tutted. “Even with all that knowledge you never learned a thing, did you?”

“The chevrotain is an animal that looks like a tiny deer with fangs – Ha! Didn’t know that did you?”

“Oh, that’s very helpful information, isn’t it, dear.”

“Well! The oldest continuously inhabited city in the world is Damascus. Damascus is also the name of steel comprised of different layers of iron and steel creating ornate patterns.” Quillen spouted the knowledge and looked pleased with himself.

“Fascinating, dear. Do you think, Julianna will be impressed?”

“There are a hundred-and-fifty species of rose and more than three thousand subspecies. That’ll impress her.” Quillen felt as if he was ready to explode with so many facts shooting about and colliding within his overloaded brain.

“Very nice. I expect just one might do the trick.”

Quillen swore, “What the hell would you know?”

“You wanted to become omnilegent to learn how to make Julianna love you, correct?”

“I love her, grandmother. Yet she doesn’t even seem to see me.” Quillen felt distraught. He’d tried everything, including love spells to woo her and gotten nothing in return.

 “And you think by becoming an over-intelligent moron who can spout of about the two-hundred-twenty pyramids of Sudan, while doing complex maths and swearing-in three-thousand languages will make her love you?” the old lady collapsed in a chair looking tired.

“Sounds like you did the learning spell too.”

“No, dear. I got old and learned every step of the way.”

“Then tell me; how do I get Julianna to love me?” Quillen asked having stepped beside her.

“You start by putting the knowledge back in my books. The library will be bloody boring with no words in it.”

“Fine.” Quillen set his fascinator spinning and recanted the spell in reverse. The words leapt in a sparkling spiral from his head and met their books. Within a minute he was back as he was before he’d cast the spell. “Happy now!”

The old lady picked up a romance novel. “Very – I can finish reading about Isabel and Gabriel’s fling in the woods now,” she told him with a smile.

“So, what do I do for Julianna then?”

“Simple, dear. You approach her, you tell her how pretty she looks in a gentlemanly way. Admire her dress sense, her hair, all those things that made you fall in love with her. You place her hand over your heart and say it beats for her because you love her. When you’ve said your piece you kiss her hand and tell her you’ll understand if she doesn’t feel the same way and leave her to it.”

“I just walk away after that?” Quillen asked raptured.

“You just walk away. If she comes to you, she’ll love you. If not, you tried and you must find another lady to love.”

“Thank you, grandmother. I’ll go at once.” Quillen made it ten steps.

“Quillen, Dear. When you need to learn about the finer points of contraception in a few days. Don’t try to become all Omnilegent again – just ask.”  

The End

Thanks for reading my friends. As always there are more stories and poems to be enjoyed (I hope) in the Short Stories and Short Stories 2 and Poetry Corner tabs.

Have a great day!

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