Grandiloquence Stolen

This story was written in answer to The Word of the Day Challenge. The word I had to use was ‘Grandiloquent’

Grandiloquent means: Pompous or extravagant in language, style, or manner, especially in a way that is intended to impress.

Here’s what I came up with …

Grandiloquence Stolen

Lord Godwin’s cocktail party was the most nauseating affair I’d ever been forced to attend. It was supposed to be a celebration of aristocracy; a chance to raise funds for local charities. Instead, that grandiloquent pansy Godwin made it all about him. Wandering around like a pompous prince on his high-horse, he told everyone who would listen about his spendthrift lifestyle, his dozen concubines and that oversized garage of ostentatious cars. The pretentious lord’s never-ending selfish monologue left me almost hyperventilating with the desire to break his face. I may have been drawn to such undesirable violence had I not being within the stately home for other purposes.

As midnight approached, the fair ladies and overly rich gentleman toddled off home in their Bentleys and Ferraris. The house fell silent at one AM when the butler, maids and housekeepers finished cleaning. Nobody remained except the lord himself and concubine number eleven — and me of course.

Earlier as the party neared its end, I’d stolen a set of house keys from a butler by merely bumping into him. Then with the most jocular of suggestions about getting a bottle of wine, I slipped into the cellar and waited for the house to fall still. Now, I slipped into the house and aloft via the main marble staircase. I couldn’t help myself taking a black marker from my pocket. I set about drawing perfect Poirot moustaches upon the lavish lord and lady statues in the upper hallway as I passed.

Ignoring the raucous lovemaking in the Lord’s bedchamber, I let myself into the master’s office. Eyes watched me from every wall. This room was lined with drawings and photographs of past kings and lords.  I’d been here before on a disguised errand to learn the secrets of the space.

A smile crossed my face as I sat upon the luxurious leather and oak swivel chair at the desk. I made the gold magnifying glass and double-hunter fob-watch vanish. My gloved fingers found the hidden rose carvings on the desk. With dual clicks, I sprung the mechanism and King George the First swung aside revealing the safe. That muttonhead Lord Godwin opened the safe right in front of me when I was here last.

With a few clicks and turns, I had the safe open. One million in diamonds and gold watches had just changed hands along with one more set of keys. Leaving the room as I found it, I left via the garage. The taxi ride to arrive had been just fine. Driving home would be simply divine.

‘Good evening Lord Godwin. Look at my gold watches, diamond rings and necklaces. Oh, and I think this silver Aston Martin Vanquish looks just fabulous with me driving – don’t you think? Haha! Who’s the Grandiloquent one now?”


The End


Thanks for reading my friends. As always there are more stories to be enjoyed (I hope) in the Short Stories tab.

Have a great day!


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