The Trip that Wasn’t

This silly story was written for Fandango’s Dog Days of August 

The Prompt was – Trip

Here’s what I came up with. I hope you like it …

The Trip That Wasn’t

Come on the trip with us. It’ll be fun!’ they said.

The idea was, the four of us office Clarks would go on a adventure trip and do some team bonding. I was suspicious; Brian was always up to no good. Tricia – well, she always egged him on and then ‘got out of’ everything he did. Harriet – A good laugh, Brian’s favourite. And me, I’m Gary the straight-laced butt of Brian’s jokes.

Anyway, I thought about it. I changed my mind more times than a teenager does their phone. (That’s every three weeks if it’s one of those I-thingys!) What could possibly go wrong? “Alright, I’ll go.”

The following morning, we all piled into Brian’s rust-bucket – sorry Mondeo – and set off toward the campground some two-hundred miles away.

It wasn’t long into the journey before the cabin was filled with a horrendous, metallic knocking noise.

“Sounds like your car has an arthritic knee, Brian,” I said.

“Nah! It has worn suspension bushes on the front, that’s all. It’s fine.” Brian stuck his fingers up at a car racing by us; way above the speed limit. “Road-hogging tosspot!”

Tricia chuckled but said nothing.

“Bloody idiot!” Harriet agreed. “You better be right about this car, Brian. If you lose a wheel – we’ll all end up in the bushes.”

“Maybe that’s his plan. Crash the car, kill us all an’ blame the faulty suspension. An’ then take the promotion at work.” Tricia remarked in her nasal voice.

“Ahh, shut up girls! The cars fine.” Brian negotiated a roundabout and accelerated along the countryside dual-carriageway.

“Hey, Tricia – with all that plotting, I guess you like mysteries, do you?” I asked to make conversation.

“Oh, yeah. Give me a bloody murder to solve an’ I’m happy as they come.” Tricia rummaged in her bag and lit a fag.

Brian turned to look and groaned. “Put that out, woman. You make us all choke!”

“Ahh, fer goodness sake. Yer driving’s making me nervous!” Tricia obeyed with a sigh,

Brian refocussed on the road a millisecond before the knocking noise became a crack. Then the car listed to one side. Nobody said a word as it thumped and screeched along the road. The girls screamed (I might’ve done too) as the car spun across the hard shoulder and crashed into a gorse bush.

“Don’t say a bleeding word!” Brian opened his door and climbed from behind the wheel. Outside, he slammed the door causing the glass to crack and — “Bollox!” He groaned as the glass tinkled around his shoes.

“That’s it wreck the remains of the car – that’ll help, mate,” I commented from the safety of the other side of the car.

“Told you we’d end up in a bush,” Harriet added.

“Shut up!” Brian remarked from outside.

Tricia burst out laughing as I massaged the stress from my head. “Better call a recovery truck, Brian,” I suggested.

“Yup, we’re really in the thicket of it now. I reckon we’ll have to go home.” Tricia remarked.

“Yeah. Sorry, guys.” Brian’s head reappeared at the broken window. “It wasn’t the rubber bushes; it was the suspension spring snapping.”   

“From where I’m sitting you’ve still got a bush problem though, haven’t you?” Harriet nodded to the gorse.

Brian shook his head at her and retreated from the car again.

“Don’t, Harriet,” Tricia said. “You’ll shrub him up the wrong way an’ he’ll be mad for the rest of the day.”    

“Gah, do you have to?” Brian had his phone to his ear outside.

“They’re just joking,” I said winking at the girls. “Oh. and don’t hedge your bets on a quick recovery will you.”

“You can shut your face, as well.” Brian gave me the middle finger and walked away.  

Three hours and forty-four bush related jokes later, we were finally rescued by a recovery specialist called Yorky. Harriet and Tricia were safely on their way home, anyway. The recovery truck could only take two passengers – you see. Chivalry wasn’t dead around here and so we let the ladies have the seats. My feet would be pretty well dead, after walking the twelve miles home mind you!    

‘Note to self: Next time Brian comes up with a plan – tell him to shove it in the nearest gorse bush with his car. Life would be a lot simpler that way!’

The End

Thanks for reading my friends. As always there are more stories to be enjoyed (I hope) in the Short Stories tab.

Have a great day!

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